Someone shit on the floor
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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