if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
