You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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