Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
