New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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