I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
