So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize