I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
