Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are the jesus of drinking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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