i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
