Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
