You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
