I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
