How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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