I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't turn off my feet"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
