You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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