New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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