I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
