worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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