I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
