never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
