So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
