And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
false alarm. still invincible.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
