and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sorry my hands just texted you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
