Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Enjoy the penises
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
