Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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