You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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