threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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