I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
