If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
