I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
