can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my shit smells like andre
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
