I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
