She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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