he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
