good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
