you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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