Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
