I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
