You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
