Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
