i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
