His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
