Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
