how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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