She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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