Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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