I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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