I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
