After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
