I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
