Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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