yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
