my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
